Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
