Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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