Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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