I just pynch a tree in the face
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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