I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
