So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
