i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
