How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
