that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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