there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
