my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
