Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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