we have officially lost it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
