haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
