Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
