I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.