new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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