True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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