Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
