well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
