My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
