Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
