yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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