I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize