Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
