i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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