Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is an emotional support booty call
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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