once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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