i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
