Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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