Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
