hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was like eating out sand paper
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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