Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
