My hand turned me down
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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