morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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