haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
