I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
