Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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