They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
