Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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