Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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