Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
