in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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