Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
