If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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