oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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