i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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