dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this just has baby written all over it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
