You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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