I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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