oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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