then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
