woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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