I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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