the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
40s are totally the cure
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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