they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's shark week go big or go home
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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