Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
