I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
